Coping With Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria: 3 Top Tips

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is something that is most commonly experienced by those with ADHD and autism, which we will discuss here. We will also discuss what Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is, some common symptoms of it, and finally 3 tips to manage it. It can be detrimental to someone’s mental health; therefore it is important that we educate and inform ourselves of the basics of this condition so that we can learn how to manage it.

What is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is when someone reacts and responds strongly to a perceived rejection or criticism. It has been researched that they feel an extreme emotional pain as a result, even if it is only an imagined or perceived rejection. This is more common among those with ADHD and autism, as both of these neurodivergences often contain an element of emotional dysfunction. Emotional dysfunction can mean that people have difficulties processing and regulating their emotions, which is at the centre of what RSD is. Similarly, it is common among those with ADHD as it sustains an aspect of impulsivity (characterised by the hyperactivity part of ADHD), as RSD has been stated to be an instantaneous occurrence upon a feeling of rejection – meaning that it can be considered a form of impulsion.

Here are a few common symptoms of RSD:

• A feeling of isolation upon feeling criticised or rejected.

• Intense emotional pain.

• Inability to hide/conceal or supress these emotions.

• Avoiding future rejection.

  
  

  

  
  

How to cope with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

Impulsivity management: Pause and think

As we previously discussed, impulsivity has a big role in Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. It allows the brain to bypass reasoning and evaluation of the stimuli or event, and allows you to immediately jump to the decision that you have been criticised or rejected, therefore causing you to react emotionally. A way of lessening the effects of RSD, or just stopping an episode occurring, you can consciously and purposefully take a pause after you get the initial impression that you have been rejected. This will allow your brain to catch up with your emotions, and allow a few seconds for it to process the stimuli. You can consider reasonably whether or not you were really rejected, as well as formulate an appropriate response after you have a clearer perspective of the other person’s intentions.

You can combine this technique with mindfulness, for example, taking this pause and using it to practice relaxed breathing. This will take you out of the fight or flight response that the initial rejection (perceived threat) will put you in – therefore you will be pulled out of the state where you have only the options to fight or take flight, instead you can reason and conclude that there was no real threat. A good breathing technique you could use is square breathing. This is when you breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds, and hold that for 4 seconds. Focus on the sensations of breathing, how the breath enters and leaves your body, while doing this. This will take you out of fight or flight state and bring you into rest and digest state, where you can relax and engage some thinking before acting.

Manage your emotions

Noticing your emotions is the key to understanding and managing them. When you notice your emotions in real time, it makes you less reactive to them. People with ADHD, autism, and RSD often go from zero to one hundred when it comes to their emotions, therefore this is an area that is beneficial to tackle, as RSD comprises of experiencing extreme negative emotions immediately after a certain stimulus occurs.

To overcome this aspect, try and take notice of, and identify your emotions as they happen, and consider why they are there. You can do this during that pause we talked about above, you will be feeling upset, offended, defensive, and likely much more. Put a name to these things and consider why they are there. For example, if someone has crossed your boundaries or treats you unfairly and you feel angry – label that. You may feel sad if you have lost something. Fear if you have been threatened or someone has scared you.

Understand what the emotion is, where you feel it in your body, name it, and reflect on the message of it and what the point of it is. This will help you check if it is a reasonable and appropriate feeling to have in light of the situation. For example, you feel scared because you are about to give a presentation. Once you have labelled and considered this emotion, you will figure out that it is not life threatening, or putting you under and short- or long-term danger. This will hopefully mean that you are able to control this emotion more effectively, and make you less reactive to it. You can then apply this to when you feel rejected or criticised. You may feel anger, but after closer inspection you may realise that it is not proportionate, therefore making you less reactive to that. At other times, anger will be proportionate and will have useful messages about what has felt wrong for you, so that you can address it (e.g. by setting boundaries, making requests, or leaving a situation).

Check your thinking

Through checking your thinking you can ignore or legitimise your thoughts which will then lead you onto the correct road to acting and thinking appropriately. It may help to write down your thoughts after being criticised or rejected, and take a moment to analyse why exactly you have come to this conclusion on their intention of rejection. Think about your past experiences with them, are they usually critical? In this case it is more likely that they are really criticising you now, in which case you need to think about why they are doing this. They could be trying to better your performance at something. On the other hand, this may be the first time they have criticised you, which means that you should potentially re-evaluate whether they are actually criticising you here or if you have misinterpreted it. In general, it is a good idea to have another look at the situation, so you can assess how likely it is that you are being criticised, before you get that isolated, lonely, and painful feeling that RSD commonly brings.

If you want to read more on RSD, we have another blog you can check out covering more about how RSD works and why it happens. We also have other blogs on ADHD and autism, such as Is perfectionism a symptom of ADHD?, How to stop procrastination with ADHD, and Managing ADHD Burnout at Work. Looking for support? We provide talking therapy for neurodivergence as well as robust diagnostic assessments.

Finally, if you are interested in joining our mailing list to be the first to know about upcoming training and events we have, please take a look down below.