How to overcome perfectionism: Meaning, causes and coping strategies

Perfectionism is often mistaken for healthy ambition, but it goes far beyond striving for success. It involves an intense need for flawlessness, extremely high personal standards, and harsh self-criticism. While a little perfectionism can motivate growth, it becomes harmful when it starts affecting daily life; leading to anxiety, procrastination, and constant pressure to meet unrealistic expectations. This blog explores what perfectionism is, its meaning, how to recognise its symptoms, why people become perfectionists, and practical strategies to overcome it through approaches like CBT and Compassion Focused Therapy.

The meaning of Perfectionism:

Perfectionism is a personality trait marked by a strong drive to achieve flawlessness, the setting of extremely high personal standards, and a habit of being overly self-critical when evaluating one’s own actions. Perfecting something may seem like a desirable trait, but lies on a scale from a healthy to unhealthy amount. When perfection begins to take over your life this morphs a seemingly good trait into a toxic one, damaging your mental health. Perfectionism is often placed against being a high achiever, however the crossover becomes eaisly distinguishable when diving into the symptoms.

So, now we understanding the meaning of perfectionism, lets dive into some of its symptoms:

• Heightened Criticism: Individuals with perfectionist tendencies are often far more critical of themselves and those around them compared to high achievers. While high achievers typically take pride in their successes and encourage others, perfectionists tend to focus on flaws, errors, and imperfections.

• Setting Unrealistic Standards: Another indicator of perfectionism is creating goals that aren’t realistically attainable. While high achievers set ambitious targets and enjoy pushing themselves further after meeting them, perfectionists often begin with expectations that are already beyond reach.

• Procrastination: Although it may seem counterintuitive, procrastination is a frequent outcome of perfectionism. While perfectionists are often thought of as highly organised or always on task, many actually postpone tasks because they become overly focused on the final outcome rather than the process itself. When attention shifts too heavily toward future results, it can trigger anxiety and even avoidance.

• Seeking Approval: Many perfectionists measure their worth through the eyes of others, placing great importance on external validation. If you notice that you care more about how people react to your work than about the effort or progress you’re making, it may be a sign that perfectionism is shifting your priorities in an unhealthy way.

So how can extreme perfectionism negatively affect you?:

• Diminished self-esteem: While perfectionism can sometimes appear in a healthier form, like motivating yourself to improve or aiming high, it becomes concerning when you start recognising patterns of harsh self-criticism and negative self-talk. Knowing yourself well can help you notice when these perfectionist tendencies begin to undermine your sense of self-worth.

• Relationships: Perfectionism can also impact how you connect with others, especially if you begin holding your relationships to unrealistic or unattainable standards. If you notice increasing tension or strain with the people around you, it may be a sign that perfectionism is becoming harmful.

• Seeking Approval: Many perfectionists measure their worth through the eyes of others, placing great importance on external validation. If you notice that you care more about how people react to your work than about the effort or progress you’re making, it may be a sign that perfectionism is shifting your priorities in an unhealthy way.

Now being aware of the symptoms, we will look to why it happens.

Why do people become perfectionists?

There are many factors that can cause perfectionism, yet review studies from 2018 suggests a potential link between certain personality traits and perfectionism.

Perfectionistic concerns include elements such as:

• Socially prescribed perfectionism (feeling others expect perfection)

• Concerns over mistakes

• Doubts about actions

• Perceived discrepancy between standards and performance

  
  

These facets showed the strongest and most consistent relationship with high neuroticism, meaning people who score high in these areas tend to:

• experience more anxiety and emotional instability,

• feel shame or distress when they make mistakes,

• worry excessively about failure,

• exhibit self-doubt and rumination.

They also showed:

• Low agreeableness: Lower levels of agreeableness, marked by reduced trust, cooperation, and warmth, can be linked to socially prescribed perfectionism, where individuals feel pressure to meet others’ expectations.

• Low extraversion: Those who score low in extraversion may show more introverted, withdrawn, or inward-focused tendencies, which can contribute to perfectionistic concerns.

More contributors of perfectionism includes:

• A fear of being judged or not meeting others’ expectations

• Childhood experiences involving parents or caregivers who set excessively high standards

• The presence of mental health conditions linked to perfectionism, such as obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and Social anxiety

• Low self-esteem

• Persistent feelings of not being “good enough”

• A strong desire to maintain control

• Defining personal worth based on accomplishments

There may not be one defining factor as to why you may be experiencing perfectionism, but by understanding the many contributors it can help ease the stress and the management of your mental health.

Next we will look at what you do to tackle if you or someone you know is experiencing perfectionism.

How to overcome perfectionism

To overcome perfectionism we can look into two therapy options:

1. CBT for perfectionism: The cognitive view of perfectionism suggests that it often arises from distorted beliefs, assumptions, and expectations, such as:

   • Anything short of following my diet flawlessly means I’ve failed; if I eat one cookie, I might as well eat ten.

   • I must always appear perfect in front of others.

   This can help to promote a cognitive model for perfectionism similar to this below:

   

   Using the model it can create cognitive strategies for perfectionism by pinpointing and adjusting distorted thinking patterns, promoting more flexible and balanced perspectives, and challenging unrealistic beliefs or interpretations.

   
   

2. Compassion focused therapy for perfectionism: Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) is particularly relevant for individuals struggling with perfectionism because perfectionism is often driven by harsh self-criticism, fear of failure, and a belief that one’s worth depends on flawless performance. CFT helps address these underlying processes by promoting self-compassion, reducing self-judgment, and encouraging a kinder, more balanced relationship with personal mistakes and setbacks. By learning to respond to imperfection with understanding rather than criticism, individuals can break the cycle of shame, anxiety, and avoidance that often accompanies perfectionism. Evidence shows that building self-compassion not only eases perfectionistic distress but also supports healthier motivation and overall wellbeing.

Other factors that can help you overcome perfectionism include:

• Research about perfectionism, find out the different types and what can help you

• Beat procrastination, by doing a little each day can help you fall our of the cycle of avoidance and high anxiety of doing tasks

• Acceptance, that it is impossible to be perfect in every tasks you do and that its okay to make mistakes as this leads to the greatest improvements

We hope this has been a helpful insight into the meaning of perfectionism and why people become perfectionists. If you are interested in more blogs, courses and resources, join our mailing list below. We also provide psychological therapy for perfectionism using CBT and compassion-focused therapy, so do reach out if we can help!